In the Tour de France, the Lanterne Rouge is the rider who finishes dead last.
They are the survivor, the tail-light in the dark, and if we’re being honest, the person who probably had the most interesting day.
While the hardcore roadies are busy staring at their power meters and sweating through their Lycra to shave two seconds off a Dartmoor climb, the rider on a Lanterne Rouge Ride is busy noticing the way the light hits the East Dart River or deciding which pub would be best to stop at.
This isn’t a guide for the fast – it’s a manifesto for the power of a deliberately slow ride.
Go map out a route through the nearest rural (or urban, for that matter!) area. The only ‘King of the Mountain’ title we care about on a Lanterne Rouge Ride involves the size of the slice of cake at the café stop. If your goal is to be the last one home because you were too busy taking photos of fluffy ponies to check your average speed, welcome to the club. Grab your panniers – we’re going slow!
Bingo
As an added bonus, here’s a Lanterne Rouge Ride Bingo card. Your goal is to tick off a full line of five in a row, or perhaps try for a full house over the weekend! You can print it off and carry it with you, you can mentally tally it up after the ride, or you can have the page on your phone, so you can check during the rise.
What method you use isn’t important. What’s important is to have a little extra fun on your ride.
| B | I | N | G | O |
| The Stare-Down A pony refuses to move off the road |
History Lesson Finding a Bronze Age hut circle |
The Cream Tea Debate Jam or Cream first? (Post a photo!) |
Gear Failure Dropped a chain or forgot to charge the GPS |
The Nod Acknowledging a fellow slow-cyclist |
| Uphill Picnic Stopping for a snack mid-climb. |
The Baa Factor Startled a sheep that was sleeping |
Wild Swim Feet Dipped your toes in a river/stream |
The Ghost Rail Finding a bit of old railway track |
The Over-Pack Realizing you brought too many layers |
| Mist Encounter Losing the view for 5 minutes of “atmosphere” |
The Bridge Selfie Taking a photo on a medieval bridge |
[ FREE SPACE ] Had a Great Time |
Heavy Metal Spotting a Highland Cow with big horns |
The Pub Push Walking the bike the last 100 metres to the pub |
| Bird Watcher Spotting a Buzzard or similar |
Mechanical Wonder Using a multi-tool for something minor |
The Local Hero Asking a local for directions (and getting a story) |
The Phew Moment Reaching the top of a serious climb |
The Souvenir Finding a cool rock or a shed feather |
| Water Refill Using a tap at a cafe/church to fill your water bottles |
The Full Stop Stopping for 10+ mins just to look at the view |
The Mud Stripe Getting a little bit of the world on your back |
The Nap Actual horizontal time on the grass |
The Victory Pint (Or juice!) at the end of the ride |
So, what’re you waiting for? Go pack some picnic items into your panniers, and go for your very own #LanterneRougeRide (and do use the hashtag on social media!)