I can’t anymore, I just can’t.
It happens every time I take a vacation or there’s a long weekend. After a few days off I feel rested and rejuvenated–so much so I promise myself I’m going to ditch all the complaining and the negativity and focus on everything that makes cycling so wonderful. Then I begin a new post with the best intentions, only to immediately come across something like this:
I was already angry last week when the industry decided 60mm tires are the new 50mm tires. (The 50mm gravel tire trend appears to have lasted exactly one season.) And the whole “aero gravel” thing has always been annoying, because it makes about as much sense as scented toilet paper. So the fact that we’re already up to 66mm tires was infuriating enough, but I think “micro aero” enhancements may have been what finally broke me:
The seatstays are thin to improve compliance (and, their words, have “micro aero” enhancements). That’s paired with a 27.2 seatpost for more compliance, and there’s routing for droppers if you want to add one.
Because you need “micro aero enhancements” on a bike with 2.6-INCH WIDE MOUNTAIN BIKE TIRES.
So, to recap:
It’s 2026, AI is running rampant, trends get grafted onto other trends like some sort of SEO fever dream, bikes are modeled on computers and then emailed overseas where they’re made out of plastic, and the result of all this is overpriced mismatched grotesqueries like this.
And as I’m sure I’ve noted before, “Open WIDE” is the most obnoxious name in cycling, even more so than ENVE, the implication being that you, the consumer, should just Open WIDE and take it, you filthy dirty gravel trend whore.
It just makes me want to retreat deep within myself and ride bikes with limited tire clearance, rim brakes and triple drivetrains entirely out of spite:
And to revel in the delightful obsolescence of over-geared bicycles with friction shifting and non-slant parallelogram derailleurs:
By the way, when the Cervino first came to me it looked like this:
And the reason I kept it instead of returning it to Classic Cycle was that it was the quintessence of a classic road bike, plus I liked that it was a Viner disguised as a Nishiki, since I enjoy the irony of most people dismissing it for an old crappy 10-speed. Also, I like to pretend that one day I’ll get to go back to It’ly and ride L’Eroica again, though the days when people used to invite me places are long gone:
[Wrinkly elbows being thrown at the water fountain at L’Eroica. Many of these participants are so old they don’t realize it’s a theme ride.]
And yes, I could organize and finance my own trip to L’Eroica, but let’s get real here:
[Pay? For a ride!?!]
If it’s coming out of my own pocket I’ll just put on the wool shorts I kept and do my own personal L’Eroica Yonkers for free, thanksverymuch.
Besides that, the other thing that made the Cervino a keeper was that it fit and handled similarly to the Vengeance Bike:
I’d requested that bike from Classic Cycle mostly for irony’s sake, but I ended up really falling for it. However, the Cervino shared many of its best attributes while also having a little more tire clearance and being made out of steel. I can’t say I was particularly concerned about the structural integrity of the Vengeance Bike; nevertheless, with a steel bike there’s even less to worry about in that department, plus I can use wheels with different rear spacing with reckless abandon:
Let us pause to reflect on the twin miracles of steel frames and friction shifting, which means a bicycle from 1982 can happily accept 9 or 10 speeds (and no doubt 11, though I haven’t tried it) with no modifications, apart from using the appropriate chain and adjusting the derailleur limit screws accordingly.
Also, I understand the significance of the slant parallelogram, but in practice all you really need is some modern ramped Hyperglide-type cogs to dramatically improve the shifting on an old bike like this, because it shifts like a dream…assuming that dream is one in which you’re riding a bicycle that shifts really well.
Speaking of shifting, I enjoy true one-handed shifting thanks to the rabbit-ear setup:
Of course the Cervino is no longer period correct after I performed some post-crash rehabilitation on it, and while I’m tempted to restore it properly, I’m also enjoying letting it evolve organically. Plus, it’s a reminder that you don’t need the new Specialized Aethos or whatever when simply changing the wheels, pedals, and handlebar on an old road bike is sufficient to reinvigorate it.
Sure, it’s easy for me to say that when I have like eleventy billion other bikes to ride too, but I maintain the point is still valid.
Of course if I were to purchase this specimen I’d have eleventy billion and one other bikes:
This is what it looks like when a bike dresses as the 1990s for Halloween:
It’s also just a handlebar bag and a rigid fork away from something you’d pre-order from Ultraromance.