Cyclist
A letter to my 13-year-old self
Boy, have I got news for you. First of all, Eddy Merckx, that grainy, handsome figure you get to see a few minutes of on World Of Sport each Saturday in July and who you want to be when you grow up – well, he’s no longer the best there ever was. Another rider, from a country that didn’t even exist back then, will rewrite the history books.
And those weekly few minutes of TV highlights from the Tour de France, presented by the magnificently coiffured Dickie Davies? Well, in the future you’re going to get live coverage of not just the Tour de France but loads of other races that you didn’t even know existed. And you’ll be able to watch them all on a device that fits in your pocket and can also be used to order pizza and taxis.
Anyway, the reason I’m writing is I know you’ve just cycled from your home in Liverpool to your Auntie Annie’s caravan in North Wales on a three-speed racing bike wearing jeans, trainers and an anorak, and had to get the train most of the way home because you hadn’t realised it was 40 miles away and that she might not be in.
I wanted to reassure you that bike riding gets easier in the future thanks to all kinds of advances in science, technology and, frankly, common sense – who knew that jerseys with pockets on the back could be such a game-changer? Plus, Auntie Annie eventually gets something called a mobile phone, which you can use to make sure she’s in before you set off next time.
The bad news is your attempts at a wheelie to impress your pretty classmate Sharon Kirk will go horribly wrong and you’ll be too embarrassed to ever speak to her again. But if she could see the bike you’re riding now, she’d be sorry she ended up going out with the captain of the under-13s football team. Probably.
That cyclometer attached to your front wheel that records your mileage is going to evolve into a box of tricks capable of detecting satellites orbiting thousands of miles above you in space. These will tell you how fast you’re going and if it’s going to rain. They will also alert your next of kin if you get off and walk up any hills.
Meanwhile those metal clips and leather straps designed to keep your feet attached to the pedals will be replaced by something inspired by what you see Franz Klammer wearing on Ski Sunday every week – ski boots with quick-release binding mechanisms. You’ll have to ditch your favourite Dunlop pumps for some special shoes and cleats that look like something out of Thunderbirds and you’ll topple over at traffic lights the first few times you use them, but it will be worth the time and the effort in the end.
And you know those levers on the down tube you pull to change between the three measly gears you have? Well prepare to have your mind blown – in the future you will have 24 gears and shifting between them will be done electronically using a button nestled neatly beneath your brake lever.
You got caught in the rain coming back from North Wales and it felt like a sauna inside your anorak (which you had tied around your waist all the way there). Well, there will soon be a type of jacket that will keep you dry and ventilated in the heaviest rain and that packs down to the size of your pencil case – seriously!
Finally, let’s talk about your bottom. A bit red and raw after that trip to North Wales, wasn’t it? Fear not, something called a chamois is on the way. This will you give you an extra layer of padding. However, it comes pre-inserted into a pair of shorts made from something called Lycra that will leave nothing to the imagination.
It’s probably just as well you no longer keep in touch with Sharon Kirk.
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