Dear Eric: There’s a gal in my social circle who makes a habit of attending birthday parties and, in addition to the piece or two of birthday cake she consumes at the party, wraps pieces of cake to take home “for my family.” Sometimes she even does it without asking permission.
On my 37th birthday, I had a gathering of about 12 of the gals over. I baked my own cake, a simple two-layer round one, that had to be divided carefully to ensure that every attendee got a slice. After everyone who wanted one had a slice, I was delighted to see that there were still three slivers on the plate. But at the end of the party, they were gone. The cake hoarder had struck again.
I was livid.
Time went by and at my 40th birthday party, as I was in the process of cutting the cake, she came up to me with a plate in her hand and asked if she could have a few extra slices to take home to her family.
I said no. If there were a few slices left over, I would be taking them home to enjoy as it was my birthday cake.
She looked shocked, angry and hurt. I’m just curious, is it poor manners to wrap up someone else’s birthday cake, either without permission or by putting them on the spot, and taking home three times as much cake as anyone else at the party?
— Feeling Not So Sweet
Dear Feeling Not So Sweet: Short and sweet: she should have asked and she shouldn’t have been huffy about getting told no.
The manners books don’t really address this three-slice conundrum because it seems specific to your friend. Personally, if I’ve got a limited number of slices, I’m not going to invite this person to my party. There’s no harm in asking for what you want, but it’s also important not to get carried away. Perhaps chalk it up to her misreading the room or being overeager. But, at the end of the day, you don’t have any obligation to provide a sweet treat for her husband and kids at home.
(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)
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