CM Punk changed up the format of tonight’s WWE Raw from the Toyota Center in Houston, Texas and opened the show with one of the most scathing promos of his career, taking direct aim at Roman Reigns and Pat McAfee ahead of WrestleMania.
Punk sat down in the ring. Punk said Houston is a wrestling town with a lot of pro wrestling history. He said he has had some great moments in this ring and that there are ghosts of things that should have happened. Punk called it “Paul Boesch Country” and said he loves to hear about the old timers. He said you can’t help but compare yourself and wonder how they would handle things. “What would Harley Race do?” Punk asked. He said dreams are nice, but it is when you are awake that matters.
Punk said said Roman Reigns is not here tonight. Punk said two weeks ago, with help from his cousins, Roman put him through the announce table with a power bomb and strolled out like he was the king of the world. Punk said he could not wait to get revenge. He said he showed up at Madison Square Garden, cousinless, with his title belt, and he got revenge. He put Roman through the announce table alone. Punk said Roman hates him, and he said good. If Roman hates him, he is exactly where he should be. Punk said he is fraud checking goofs, and being hated by losers is the price he pays for not being one of them.
Punk put the title belt on the announce table and told the crowd to keep chanting for Roman and maybe he will show up. Punk said he showed up, and he is an old man. Old, not weak. Punk said Roman hates him and he knows why. Punk said he wanted to explain to everyone who bothered to show up tonight why he hates Roman Reigns.
Punk got on the announce table. He said WrestleMania is the biggest show of the year and that they both have the tools to climb to the top of the ladder in this sport. Punk said his tools are man made and sharpened through hard work and spite, while Roman’s tools are store bought and handed to him. “They are plastic,” Punk said. He said he was too young and stupid to understand before, and that now he is too old and rich to bother. Punk said Roman is sent to Jimmy Fallon because he is safe, boring, and saccharine, while Punk is dangerous because you don’t know what he is going to say. Punk said he can film a dozen movies and not miss a day, but Roman uses it as a crutch and then the people boo him because he is not there.
Punk said when Roman bothers to show up, he arrives late and leaves early. He said Roman puffs his chest out like he is The Rock. Punk said at least The Rock is a Hollywood superstar. Punk said The Rock was a superstar and that his “bloated cousin” is not on the board of directors. “I don’t surround myself to keep me away from the truth. My daddy didn’t give me a favored job because I sucked at football. I got everything by fighting for it, and you are a buck toothed man who ate dog food for a weird old man,” Punk said.
Punk said that weird old man treated him like a dog and expected him to smile. Punk said he had “F-you money” and decided to leave. “You cannot control me like you control your cousins,” Punk said.
Punk asked if they are having fun yet and said to be careful what you wish for when you give him a pipe bomb without understanding what it means. Punk said Roman can brag about how many times he has been in the main event, but if anyone else had as many opportunities and sucked so bad for the first eight times, they would be fired or blackballed. “I can stand on the bridge and blow it up because, b*tch, I can swim,” Punk said.
Punk said he is giving it to everyone tonight, and he turned his attention to Pat McAfee, who he referred to as “MAGAfee.” “Pat McAfee, you buggy whipped no armed hillbilly,” Punk said. Punk said McAfee thinks he can come to his business and talk trash, and that he cashed a check he couldn’t cash. Punk told McAfee to call his fool agent to tell him to lower the ticket prices if he wants to complain about ticket sales. Punk said he is not going to take advice from someone who kicked a football for a living about putting asses in the seats.
Punk said he should call his agent that shoehorned him into the business to lower the ticket prices because he wants all of these families to stand on Roman’s throat at WrestleMania.
CM Punk defends the World Heavyweight Championship against Roman Reigns at WrestleMania 42 on Night 2, Sunday, April 19.