So, you’re interested in your zodiac sign, are you? Well, aren’t you lucky, as here I have the Cyclist’s Zodiac Signs revealed in all their detail. How accurate is yours?
Aquarius (Jan 20–Feb 18)
The alt-bike oracle. Commutes on a bamboo bike, tinkers with belt drives, probably invented their own saddle. Loves solar lights and talks about gear ratios as spiritual metaphors.
Pisces (Feb 19–Mar 20)
The daydream drifter. Forgets where they’re going, but finds the best sunset spots. Their water bottle is probably rose-infused. Cries gently when they see a well-planned cycle lane.
Aries (Mar 21–Apr 19)
The sprint specialist. Aggressive climbs, no warm-up, attacks on the flat just to prove a point. Has never used a bell — prefers a dramatic “on your left!” as they blaze past at 28 mph.
Taurus (Apr 20–May 20)
The comfort cruiser. Rides a Dutch omafiets, with a basket full of snacks, and perhaps a small potted plant. Won’t pedal faster than 10 mph, unless late for a café stop.
Gemini (May 21–Jun 20)
The dual cyclist. Owns both a vintage steel tourer and a carbon road rocket. Will debate handlebar tape colour for hours, then change it mid-ride. Talks so much during group rides they forget to turn.
Cancer (Jun 21–Jul 22)
The ride mother hen. Packs six rain layers for everyone. Knows your hydration schedule better than you do. Will stop to help a stranded rider – and probably berate them for poor hydration.
Leo (Jul 23–Aug 22)
The high-viz hero. Their kit is louder than their cadence. Carries a gold multitool. Will not ride unless their Strava title includes “epic.” May roar gently when overtaking.
Virgo (Aug 23–Sep 22)
The gear geek. Every bolt torqued to spec. Chain cleaned every Tuesday and Sunday. Rides with laminated cue sheets. Hates gravel. Has six backup tubes and a contingency plan for mid-ride tea.
Libra (Sep 23–Oct 22)
The symmetrical spinner. Their saddle bag aligns with their tire valve caps. Will host a group ride just to decide which café has better scones. Rides to bring balance, and Instagram likes.
Scorpio (Oct 23–Nov 21)
The lone rider. Black kit, silent hubs, mysterious route choices. Trains in foggy weather, for vibes. May have built their own frame – out of vengeance. Probably has opinions on fixed gear philosophy.
Sagittarius (Nov 22–Dec 21)
The tour addict. Has crossed three continents but can’t find their front door key. Maps stitched into their bib shorts. Rides for freedom, stories, and maybe questionable lunch spots.
Capricorn (Dec 22–Jan 19)
The training bot. Wears aero socks to bed. Known to do hill reps at 04:00. Power meter is their most prized possession. Respects KOMs the way others respect royalty. Never drafts – drafting is for wusses.