Matthew Fairbrother Rode 500km Around a McDonald’s Drive-Thru

Kiwi crazyman Matthew Fairbrother spent Christmas Day riding 500km around a McDonald’s drive-thru – and he didn’t even get any fries.

Fairbrother contended with strong winds, a sensitive manhood, and solo monotony in a self-styled “McUltra” that stretched 24 hours.

And worst of all, the restaurant was closed for the festive holiday, so he couldn’t even place any orders.

A noted ultra athlete and content creator, Fairbrother said boredom was the goal of his Fast Food Festive 500.

“My life usually revolves around intention,” Fairbrother said. “Big objectives, layered plans, and projects that require thinking five steps ahead before the first pedal stroke even happens.

“Routes are drawn, risks assessed, weather windows watched, logistics refined. There’s almost always a purpose attached, a destination, a story, and a result that justifies the effort. This was far from that.”

Variety, scenery, and company were off the McMenu of a challenge designed to bring simplicity to an otherwise complicated life.

“Riding 500 kilometers around a McDonald’s drive-thru had no deeper meaning,” Fairbrother said. “It was a short loop, repeated until the numbers added up and stubbornness outweighed reason.

“There was no point in this challenge, but that was exactly the point.”

Stiff winds and swollen bits

All told, Fairbrother rode 2,650 laps of the Riccarton Central McDonald’s drive-thru circuit. He took just shy of 24 hours.

“Each lap took me about 20 to 25 seconds,” he told Kiwi outlet Stuff. “Doing a lap that small and having to corner every five seconds, hitting speed bumps every few seconds, it took a massive toll mentally.”

In a video documenting the challenge, Fairbrother explained that the loop’s severe set of traffic-slowing speed bumps presented an unforeseen challenge.

“They’ve made my manhood quite sensitive, quite swollen, and I can’t sit down comfortably,” he said, midway through the effort.

“Each time I hit a bump its not much fun at all. I’ve not figured out a way to make that sustainable,” Fairbrother said. “That’s what sucks the most at the moment.”

The McUltra wasn’t Fairbrother’s first frankly ridiculous feat.

He’s attempted to complete Corsica’s notorious GR20 hiking trail on his MTB, has downhilled from the tallest rideable peak in Europe to the edge of the Mediterranean, and done plenty more.

Next up? A Burger King of the Mountains? A Kentucky Fried Challenge?

You can watch “I rode 500km around a McDonald’s Drive-Thru” here.