I like my pro wrestling best when it either takes itself far too seriously or it’s a chaotic mess, and this week’s episode of Friday Night SmackDown kicked off with a heaping helping of the latter. Drew McIntyre straight up ripped the windshield off a vehicle with his bare hands just so he could drag Jacob Fatu out of said vehicle and mash his head onto the hood of the damn thing.
Naturally, General Manager Nick Aldis showed up threatening to fire the guy, considering he’s utterly fed up with the nonsense and can’t seem to keep the big man under control. He even kinda/sorta threatened to fire the guy who tried to quit a week ago!
Fatu managed to make his way back from the beatdown on the hood of his car to put McIntyre through the announcer’s table with the weakest splash you’ll ever see that somehow still had the joint rocking. McIntyre seemed to take the brunt of it to the face. Just an incredible way to kick things off.
Instead of the two actually wrestling a match, they just fought each other all over the place all throughout the evening, culminating in closing the night falling from what they wanted us to think was a very high place onto maybe some concrete? The way Aldis was screaming to “GET MEDICAL RIGHT NOW” sure made it seem that way.
Either way, this was awesome.
Sami Zayn is finally starting to come around to the lesson that’s been staring him in the face for all this time — life doesn’t reward virtue, it rewards results. The ends absolutely justify the means, because history will indeed be written by the winner.
You do not remember that Ric Flair cheated to win so many of those championships, you simply remember that he won that many championships. The doing, the achieving, is what matters.
Winning is being willing to do what needs to be done, whatever that may be, no matter who needs to be stepped on along the way. Ask for forgiveness later.
He started saying it during an interview that was interrupted by Trick Williams, who also interrupted Zayn’s match against Aleister Black later in the evening. That’s the same Black who has been nudging Sami toward dark side.
The end result? Zayn’s emotions got the best of him, he attacked Williams on the outside, and found himself losing via pinfall after a Black Mass once he hopped back in the ring.
He’s so close, you guys. So close.
You hear the pop when Randy Orton came out? This man turned heel one week ago! Does that say something about him?
Orton delivered a message Sami Zayn so badly needed to hear and understand — his legacy will not be defined by the moments he gave the young fans nor the smiles he put on their faces but rather how much gold he put around his own waist. That’s how he wants it too.
Of course they did. They understand.
By the way, he still loves Cody, just like a brother. He wasn’t sure if he could do what he did but it was Rhodes himself who relieved him of that burden by asking for this version of himself. So the voices get their way, and they say he’s going to beat Cody Rhodes for the WWE championship at WrestleMania 42.
This was a simple but effective promo that said everything it needed to, not least of which is what is so obviously in Cody’s near future.
Some bad voices getting some play in his head.
That wasn’t the last of Randy’s appearance on this show, as he ran into Matt Cardona backstage and the artist formerly known as Zack Ryder tried to stand up for Rhodes only to be called a “mark ass stooge” and an “indie nerd” before eating a forearm. Cardona’s desperate “come on dude” as Randy was starting to go in on him still has me laughing.
Later still, Orton ran into Jelly Roll, who did his inspirational bit by appealing to Randy’s good side. He’s a beautiful soul, Jelly said, and the real Randy knows titles come and go but family, friends, and those that ride with you are forever. Orton even asked what he’s supposed to do and Roll legitimately told him to apologize to Cardona. It actually looked like Jelly was getting through!
What’s more, Orton got a phone call from someone and it led to his heading back out to the ring to “fix it.” This meant calling Cardona out to the ring and asking for his forgiveness while promising to do the same for Rhodes next week.
He gave the stooge a hug, then delivered the low blow before ripping the indie nerd’s shirt off and doing him just like he did the champ last week. WWE personnel rushed out trying to put a stop to it and Orton made like he was actually considering their words.
Cardona got his arm snapped in a chair, and Orton has been so good the fans were actually chanting “one more time.”
I guess they’re leaning into Jade Cargill as the outsider who doesn’t really care about wrestling, but it’s still bizarre to have the women’s champion outright say she doesn’t need the title she’s carrying. What’s more, she doesn’t need wrestling.
Rhea Ripley, meanwhile, needs this and I guess that makes sense too. She’s being positioned as the passionate one who will defend the honor of the industry itself against this outsider who is getting off on having success at this level despite that fact.
It’s not a great angle, mostly because it feels inauthentic. Really, it’s just been the two of them calling each other “bitch.” Not much intrigue.
Michin and B-Fab arrived as Jade was making like she was going to leave, a kendo stick in hand, and the two actually joined forces with the champion after months of feuding with her. No explanation just yet but it can’t hurt to give Cargill some help out there.
Jelly Roll deserves a lot of praise for being willing to come to SmackDown and get put through the wringer by Kit Wilson, perhaps the greatest artist of our time:
“Jelly, you can talk all you want but you’ve got no class
Just a couple of ugly face tattoos and a criminal past“But well done on losing that weight and looking so damn thin
All I see is a melted blob of skin“You’re fat phobic, you’re toxic, I might even call you a jerk
But hey, at least we’ve got proof ozempic does work“Jelly, you try to inspire but to me it’s a little bit silly
Hey, congrats on losing 300 pounds, maybe now you can see your little willy”
Roll, going right along with him:
“Oh Mr. Kit Wilson came in and tried to destroy me
But I don’t have to see my willy, your mother sees it for me“You talk about ozempic that’s really original ‘hey, Jelly’s really fat!’
Your mother could have told you that, I put my belly on her back”
It’s like it was 1999 again! Now they just need to overbook the hell out of the match next week and we can have the Attitude Era back all the way!
- I don’t know if there was some sort of pivot here, but I’m not mad about Damian Priest and R-Truth taking the tag team titles from the MFTs, considering Solo Sikoa’s crew are a bunch of boobs who are somehow one step ahead of the Wyatt Sicks while being two steps behind them. They managed to keep the silly lantern but lost the titles to an ovation that made it clear this was the right decision. Priest’s smile after the fact looked genuine, like he really couldn’t believe this is something that happened in March 2026 but he’s jazzed about it anyway. Same, DP. Same.
- Later in the show, Tama Tonga actually told Solo Sikoa to give the lantern back because he’s starting to sound like Roman Reigns. I don’t even know what to say about this anymore.
- Danhausen lifting $20 from Candice LeRae was maybe the best thing I’ve seen on WWE TV this year, and I’m not kidding.
- A well rounded roster relies on the likes of Fraxiom and the Motor City Machine Guns to win deliver awesome television matches the way these teams did here. That they are actually putting together a maybe interesting story involving Candice LeRae in the process is a bonus. Just don’t break them up, please. It’s not time for all that.
- Ilja Dragunov and Carmelo Hayes finally had another match for the United States championship and it was predictably strong. Ilja appeared to have it in the bag but ‘Melo surprised him with a sunset flip counter that just barely got the three count. The spot of the match was the First 48 into Ilja standing up and dying into the H Bomb that Hayes escaped with a foot on the bottom rope. Awesome stuff. A fun one!
- The Bella Twins got their shot at the tag team titles, and you won’t be surprised to learn they went to a disqualification finish because Charlotte Flair got involved at ringside. It’s clear where this is headed. It’s fine.
This was the best SmackDown in a long time. I was thoroughly entertained all throughout the evening.
Join our March Madness conversation!
SB Nation’s cast of characters will be enjoying the game together, so join Chris Dobbertean, Mike Rutherford, Ricky O’Donnell, Mark Schofield, James Dator, and others for 12 hours of basketball chaos!