In the press box for a women’s international, there is usually* at least one television screen showing the game, upon which somebody occasionally tries to turn the sound up to hear the commentary. I’m not a very assertive person generally, but on these occasions I find myself suddenly turning into one – strongly requesting that the commentary be turned off again because I find that it tends to bleed into what I write.
As a society we treat television with a reverence we once reserved only for altars, and when the commentators say something, the words turns to truth inside your brain like those of a priest.
Watching a series on the sofa at home however requires the commentary – silence is too weird and there is no option to just hear the ambient sounds of the game – so we are stuck with it. Words turning into truth: England bowled brilliantly; England batted brilliantly – they said it, so it must be true. And the scorecard reflects that: South Africa bowled out; and England winning with 75 million balls to spare.
South Africa 125 v England 128-1 #SAvENG 🏏
— CRICKETher (@crickether.com) 2024-11-30T18:34:22.354Z
And yet… sometimes reality breaks through the veneer. Danni Wyatt-Hodge attempts a lofted drive over midwicket. It comes off the toe-end of the bat. “Wonderful batting,” screams the commentary. The ball plugs a few yards short of the boundary. “She might not quite have timed it, but…”
So was it “wonderful batting”? Even if she “might not quite have timed it”? Let’s ask Barack Obama!
“Wonderful batting… she might not quite have timed it, but…”
— CRICKETher (@crickether.com) 2024-11-30T18:00:58.235Z
Thanks Barack – I agree!
I get that the job of the commentator is to apply lipstick, even when it’s a pig; but honestly – sometimes you wish they’d just admit that it’s a pig. Because this game was a pig. South Africa didn’t care; England didn’t care; nobody really cared. You could see from the reactions of the players – England didn’t really celebrate wickets or catches; South Africa shrugged and looked slightly sheepish as they collapsed first with bat and then with ball.
It doesn’t help when you go into a match missing so many of your match-winners. In the past couple of years, only 4 batters have won more than one T20 match for South Africa – i.e. been the top performer in a game South Africa won: Tazmin Brits (6 times); Laura Wolvaardt (5); Chloe Tryon (2); and Marizanne Kapp (2). Of those four, just one was playing today – Tryon; with Brits “rotated”, Wolvaardt unwell and Kapp rested, after playing in WBBL.
South Africa were never going to win this game, so you have to ask: what was even the point? Why were England there? If you are going to have a practice match, have a practice match. Put some cones out – go crazy! Everyone bats twice; one hand one bounce; jokers are wild! But please… don’t make the rest of us watch it, while the commentators pretend this pig is a princess.
I could say more – about how England bowled poorly; and batted little better.
Or… or…
I could go and have a beer and a pizza.
🍻 🍕
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* Yup – usually! (For a men’s international, there will always be a TV; but for the women’s matches it isn’t always the case, often because at the smaller grounds like Leicester we’ve been shuffled off into a hospitality suite which doesn’t have a Sky feed for the TV.)
