Key events
17th over: New Zealand 51-6 (Phillips 25, Smith 2) A truly disgusting lifter from Tongue is defended brilliantly by Phillips, who gets his head out of Dodge but still manages to get his hands high enough to drop the ball safely on the off side.
He’s beaten by the next two balls, mind. It’s an occupational hazard for batters at Lord’s today.
This is a fantastic stat from Tim
England’s three best bowlers of the 21st century (by average; min 20 wickets) are all playing in this game. Please explore this in a 2000-word essay to be in my inbox by 9am tomorrow.
16th over: New Zealand 49-6 (Phillips 24, Smith 1) Phillips continues his compelling counter-attack with two excellent boundaries off Stokes, a scrunch down the ground and a back-foot force through the covers. Batting like this when your team are 30 for 6 tasks some nerve, even when you know it’s probably the best approach.
“Should we speculate yet on the size of the first innings lead the Kiwis have by lunch tomorrow?” wonders Kimberley Thonger.
Only if we’re doing it in the spirit of Clockwise.
15th over: New Zealand 40-6 (Phillips 16, Smith 0) Phillips pulls Tongue superbly round the corner for four. He’s not going to sit and wait for a ball with his name on it, and he gets four more with a flashing back cut. He has 16 from 17 balls.
As John Starbuck mentioned in the sixth over of this innings, the forecast is better tomorrow so we could be heading for England’s third two-day Test in the last six. And two-day Tests can be won by cameos.
14th over: New Zealand 32-6 (Phillips 8, Smith 0) Stokes replaces Robinson, who bowled a glorious spell of 6-3-10-4. His grandkids will never hear the end of it. A sharp first over from Stokes finishes with a ludicrous 88mph legbreak that beats Nathan Smith.
“I thought the point about the phrase ‘Nude Nuts’ was that when they’re Nude, they’re not moving?” writes Ian Mallender. “These are Fully Clothed Nuts.”
You might be right. At first I thought Matthew Hayden was referring to Robinson’s speed (“124kph nude nuts”) but on reflection I think that was an additional layer of criticism. In which case, today’s nuts were dressed by Tom Ford.
13th over: New Zealand 28-6 (Phillips 5, Smith 0) That was Tongue’s 50th Test wicket; he’s taken them at a startling strike-rate of 39.40. To put that in context, Jasprit Bumrah’s is 42.86.
WICKET! New Zealand 29-6 (Blundell b Tongue 4)
Josh Tongue sends Tom Blundell’s off stump flying with a 90mph ripper. Blundell played the wrong line, but that can happen against Tongue and it was still a very good delivery.
12th over: New Zealand 24-5 (Blundell 4, Phillips 1) Blundell gets a thick edge off Robinson that bounces short of gully and is half stopped by the diving Bethell. Ben Stokes is warming up, so that might be Robinson done for this spell.
“Ollie Robinson’s average has just dropped below Big Vern Philander’s,” notes Gary Naylor. “That’s pleasing.”
I bet Vern would clean up on this pitch, even at the age of 40. In fact, I’d fancy 50-year-old Darren Stevens’ chances. And as for that bloke at Lancashire.
11th over: New Zealand 21-5 (Blundell 2, Phillips 0) Tongue rams in a yorker that is beautifully defended by Blundell.
Incidentally, Robinson celebrated his last wicket by giving Mitchell a bit of a verbal send-off. It all looked fine, and it’s good to see he still has plenty of what Steve Waugh used to call “mongrel”. Even when he’s bowling nude nuts.
10th over: New Zealand 20-5 (Blundell 2, Phillips 0) Ollie Robinson’s figures are 5-3-7-4. Thing is, he’s still bowling nude nuts, and yes that link is safe for work. But when the ball moves this much, they are nigh-on unplayable even at 80mph.
Even, what the hell am I talking about.
WICKET! New Zealand 20-5 (Mitchell b Robinson 12)
Four wickets for Ollie Robinson! Mitchell shoulders arms to another gorgeous nipbacker that pings the top of off stump.
Top of off stump – that’s where Robinson lives, today and every day, and for some reason it’s gone a bit damp again.
9.3 overs: New Zealand 20-4 (Mitchell 12, Blundell 2) Robinson goes wider on the crease to beat Mitchell for the umpteenth time. Even allowing for conditions that could have been custom-made for him, Robinson has bowled majestically.
Mitchell tries to smear Robinson off his line but can only cloth the ball into the ground. He’s broken his bat, in fact, so the umpires are going to call for drinks. Play can continue until 7.30pm local time, weather permitting.
9th over: New Zealand 20-4 (Mitchell 12, Blundell 2) Josh Tongue, one of the few good things about England’s Ashes FFSilis, comes on for Atkinson. He ends a relatively quiet first over – relatively – by beating Blundell with a jaffa. That could eaisly have taken the outside edge of the bat or the off stump.
“On the punctuation before bloody hell (3rd over)” begins Tim de Lisle, “the late great Paddy Barclay went for a dash.”
8th over: New Zealand 17-4 (Mitchell 11, Blundell 0) Robinson tries a surprise short ball that is savaged for four by Mitchell. No need to bowl that length in these conditions, so maybe it just slipped out of the hand.
A more familiar delivery snakes past Mitchell’s outside edge. Robinson now has figures of 4-2-7-3, which is coincidentally the formation Florentino Perez and Jose Mourinho plan to play at Real Madrid next season.
7th over: New Zealand 12-4 (Mitchell 6, Blundell 0) Daryl Mitchell and Tom Blundell batted magnificently together in England four years ago, adding 724 runs across three Tests. They might be happy to add seven tonight.
Blundell is sent back by Mitchell and makes his ground before Atkinson’s throw hits the stumps.
WICKET! New Zealand 12-4 (Latham LBW b Atkinson 3)
Gus Atkinson joins the orgy of wickets. Latham pushed outside the line of another terrific nipbacker that thudded into the bad. Adrian Holdstock raised the finger straight away, and Latham’s hopeful review was unsuccesful.
That’s the 14th wicket of the day; we haven’t even had 50 overs.
Sky have just shown a lovely slow-motion replay of Ollie Robinson’s third wicket. He was imploring Rod Tucker to give Ravindra LBW, then turned round towards the slip cordon to plead for a review. As he did so, Tucker raised his finger and Robinson saw the decision on the faces of his team-mates.
6th over: New Zealand 10-3 (Latham 3, Mitchell 5) Mitchell walks at Robinson and is beaten outside off stump. He reaches the obvious conclusion – ‘sod this for a lark’ – and tries to get down the other end asap. The result is a crazy run on the off side and a missed run-out chance. Latham wasn’t even in the picture when Stokes’ throw missed the stumps. Gay could have backed up but decided to retreat in case there were potential overthrows.
Robinson trampolines another brilliant delivery past Latham, who then takes a more considered single on the off side.
“Could it be that, as Friday is likely to be the best day weatherwise, both sides hope to finish the match by this time tomorrow?” says John Starbuck.
Two-day Tests are so damn hot right now.
5th over: New Zealand 8-3 (Latham 2, Mitchell 4) These are horrible batting conditions, as they have been all day. Never mind Harry Brook’s blistering 56; right now Shoaib Bashir’s 14 feels like a serious knock.
Mitchell almost falls to Atkinson when an inside-edge bounces just short of Gay at short leg. “I don’t often feel sorry for batters but my goodness me this pitch is moving today!” chirps Stuart Broad on Sky Sports.
4th over: New Zealand 5-3 (Latham 2, Mitchell 2) Robinson’s pace is around 80mph. The problem for New Zealand is that he’s bowling 80mph legbreaks – and he has a googly.
Latham plays and misses before turning Robinson this far short of Stokes at leg slip. That’s another refreshingly unorthodox bit of captaincy from Stokes, who wasn’t himself at all in the field in Australia.
Robinson has to settle for a wicketless maiden and figures of 2-2-0-3.
3.1 overs: New Zealand 5-3 (Latham 2, Mitchell 2) The hat-trick ball is left calmly by Tom Latham.
With Robinson waiting at the top of his mark, the umpires check the light. Daryl Mitchell tries to get over the field quicksmart, like Alec Stewart at Headingley in 1998, but play will continue…
3rd over: New Zealand 5-3 (Latham 2, Mitchell 2) No disrespect to Gus Atkinson but who cares.
“The obligatory…” is the subject of Brian Withington’s email, which reads simply:
Cricket. Bloody hell.
I’ve always wondered about that phrase – should there be a full stop, a comma or a question mark before the BH? I used to think a question mark but eventually came round to the comma, and now I have no idea.
2nd over: New Zealand 2-3 (Latham 1, Mitchell 0) I don’t think I’ve ever cried this much while watching cricket. Robinson’s absence has been one of the saddest stories in English cricket for decades; there was fault on both sides, probably a fair bit of misunderstanding too. It’s not worth going back over all that, not when he has just bowled probably the greatest comeback over in history.
Ravindra is out! He prodded defensively and was beaten by another beautiful bit of seam bowling. This time theer was a slight doubt over height – but again it was umpire’s call and Ollie Robinson has bowled an over that we will be talking about forever.
Oh, and he’ll be on a hat-trick at the start of the next over.
WICKET! New Zealand 2-3 (Ravindra LBW b Robinson 0)
DRS permitting, OLLIE ROBINSON HAS BOWLED A TRIPLE-WICKET MAIDEN!
Ollie Robinson has figures of 2 for 0! Williamson was beaten first ball, then pushed defensively with hard hands at a nipbacker. The ball hit the pad, looped up and was caught with glee by the diving Emilio Gay. He’d only just been placed at short leg by Ben Stokes, and Robinson ran straight over to Stokes in acknowledgement of his captaincy.
WICKET! New Zealand 2-2 (Williamson c Gay b Robinson 0)
Magnificent bowling from Ollie Robinson!
It took just three balls for Robinson to strike. The first two took the inside-edge of Conway’s bat; the third seamed back to beat him on the inside and hit the pad. Robinson implored Rod Tucker to give the LBW and was rewarded.
Conway reviewed in the hope it was missing leg – but it was umpire’s call and Robinson has his 77th Test wicket. I suspect it’s the sweetest of them all. He celebrated with an almighty roar, and to tell you the truth my eyes went a bit damp at that point.
It was close, just clipping leg, but it was also highly skilful bowling from a world-class cricketer.
WICKET! New Zealand 2-1 (Conway LBW b Robinson 1)
Ollie Robinson is back, baby!
Like Kyle Jamieson, Ollie Robinson is playing his first Test since February 2024. The reasons for their absence are quite different, and probably don’t need exploring any more. It’s just exciting to see such a skilful bowler back in the team.
There was a fascinating and confusing stat on Robinson in this month’s Wisden Cricket Monthly. I forget the exact details, but the gist of it is that, he has a significantly better bowling average in Tests when his pace drops below 80mph. Riddle me that.
1st over: New Zealand 2-0 (Latham 1, Conway 1) Atkinson has bowled the first over of a Test innings on three occasions before today, including both innings of his last appearance at the MCG.
He starts pretty well from the Pavilion End, drawing a thick edge from Latham that is well stopped by Bethell in the gully. Accurate stuff from Atkinson; two singles from the over.
The players are back on the field. Gus Atkinson and Ollie Robinson, in that order, will open the bowling to Tom Latham and Devon Conway.
Thanks Tim, hello again. England will hope this match follows a similar pattern to the first Bazball Test against New Zealand on this ground four years ago. But only in the first innings.
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New Zealand 132 & 285
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England 141 & 279-5
Time for me to hand over again. Thanks for your company, correspondence and waspish remarks about Brendon McCullum, and I’ll leave you with the great Rob Smyth. I’m due back on Sunday, if the game lasts that long.
England 140 all out!
40th over (Tongue 12, Bashir c Williamson b Smith 14) England’s last pair stuck around long enough to precipitate a bowling change. Jamieson takes a break (14-0-62-5) and back comes Nathan Smith, whose trajectory is much lower. His first ball goes down the leg side for two byes. Two balls later, Bashir has a heave over the leg side and moves to his highest Test score. Next ball, he hangs his bat out and gets a rather limp edge to third slip.
Kyle Jamieson holds the ball up to the crowd and his team-mates go off feeling that’s a job well done, especially after Matt Henry pulled up lame. Jamieson took 5-62, Smith 3-38 and the fearsome O’Rourke 2-25. So the question is, can Atkinson, Robinson and Tongue return the compliment?
39th over: England 136-9 (Tongue 12, Bashir 10) O’Rourke continues and Tongue keeps him out, helped by a pair of bouncers, which he ducks, leaving one of these fast bowlers with a glare on his face, the other with a smile.
38th over: England 136-9 (Tongue 12, Bashir 10) Cork could bat a bit and Bashir is threatening to emulate him. Facing Jamieson, he conjures up a tuck for two and a cut for two more. Double figures! He celebrates in true No.11 fashion, with a play-and-miss. The partnership is 18, which makes it the third-highest of the innings.
37th over: England 132-9 (Tongue 10, Bashir 8) A maiden from O’Rourke, and the stats are piling up: one of the commentators mentions that Bashir is the first Derbyshire player to play for England since Dominic Cork, 24 years ago. No offence to Bashir, but in this predicament, Cork might be more use.
36th over: England 132-9 (Tongue 10, Bashir 8) Jamieson offers some width and Bashir says thanks very much, flashing for four and driving for two.
Meanwhile Rob has a great spot about Jamieson’s place in history. “He now has 85 Test wickets at 19.18. The last person to take more Test wickets at a better average was SF Barnes, who played his last Test four months before the death of Franz Ferdinand.” That average may be marginally higher now, but the point probably stands.
35th over: England 126-9 (Tongue 10, Bashir 2) From the Nursery Enf, it’s the alarming Mr O’Rourke. Josh Tongue rises to the challenge with a shovel for two past mid-off and a cover drive, on the up, for four. That makes him the fourth man to reach double figures today, after Duckett, Brook and Stokes. And the second right-hander.
34th over: England 120-9 (Tongue 4, Bashir 2) So, in no time, England are down to their last man. Shoaib Bashir plays one solid defensive shot, a waft outside off and then a very respectable nurdle for two. Jamieson strolls off to the deep with figures of five for 52 off 12 overs. In the away dressing-room, the engraver gets to work.