Ball One – Droning on
One feels a little for the company that developed the engineering miracle that is (maybe was) Spidercam. Its looming, slightly sinister, presence may well be going the way of teatime scorecards and broad brimmed Richie Richardson hats, the ubiquitous drone technology taking over.
The drone is much less intrusive, barely taking the eye at all, hovering like a bat on a hot night in The Balearics. They do catch the eye sometimes with a little reflected sunlight, with the effect a little like those floating islands on the retina we’re told to look out for as a sign of worse to come.
That said, they’re a positive development for both viewers at home and at the ground – until they start thinking for themselves and following the ball, guided by AI. But I’d better not give The Hundred’s marketing guys any ideas.
Ball Two – A featherbed on a hot day sends everyone to sleep
At the lunch interval, it is hard not to reach for the cliche because that was a very good toss to win indeed. Tom Latham and Devon Conway didn’t really get away, but England failed to create a chance worthy of the name and the fact that Shoaib Bashir bowled as many overs as the AA Team (Jofra Archer and Gus Atkinson) combined, told its own story.
So far, so good, but this near perfect batting strip will need to deteriorate under the hot sun if a proper balance between bat and ball is to be achieved across the five days. It’s 12 years in the past now, but this was a gruesome spectacle that nobody wants to see repeated.
Ball Three – A lot of hard yakka
At the halfway point, England have made one real chance… that they did not send upstairs despite the three reds that subsequently illuminated. It was already that kind of day.
Aside from that faux pas, England have not made any obvious errors (if you don’t count losing the toss) but two batters are in form and the pitch is like an anti-Lord’s, as docile as a kitten in the sun after that snarling wildcat.
What to do? The first thing on the list is to keep heads up and there’s no sign of them dropping yet – though the post-tea session will test that observation. With no left arm pace available, the bouncer strategy cannot be far away. If Joe Root were still captain, we’d be asking, “What would Stokesy do?”. Well, not much – at least so far.
Ball Four – If at first you don’t succeed…
At Tea, the toil is real, England’s bowlers perhaps in an ice bath while the Kiwis swan about in flip-flops. Of course, even on a flat pitch, that has to be earned, and Latham and Conway have certainly done that.
It is worth reflecting, as one looks at a scoreboard reading 213/0, that the opening partnerships to date for these two in this series read 2, 0, 14 and 8. I think this is what “Trust the process” means.
Ball Five – Shit happens, especially on a day like this
And that’s what happens. England, being flayed in the evening sunshine, create, or, rather, are given a chance as a hideous legside long hop from Atkinson is gloved to Jamie Smith for as regulation a catch as you will ever see. He wasn’t even close to holding on.
There’s mitigation due to the conditions of course, but it was a bad error. We’ve all seen it before and New Zealand will claim it as a reward for their strategy, grinding England down and then attacking a wilting team.
It doesn’t just feel like two sessions, it feels like two weeks that led up to that bad, bad moment. Smith owns it, but the blame is shared by pretty much everyone connected to this iteration of England.
Ball Six – Add two wickets to t’score…
Just when you’re about to condemn England for a scrappy day spent being comprehensively outplayed, Bashir gutses out a remarkable save on the boundary and, spirits lifted all round, Rachin Ravindra, unexpectedly on strike, hoys one off the top edge and Smith pouches one at last.
Then another, as Archer roars one all but through Henry Nicholls, whom he had shaken up with a clonk on the head a few minutes earlier and the visitors are suddenly four down.
At 361/4, it is obviously New Zealand’s day, but England will have Will O’Rourke at one end and Daryl Mitchell taking guard at the other with an all but new ball in hand. Perhaps more importantly, they’ll have a spring in their step too. Another two quick wickets tomorrow morning and the match will be a coin toss.
It is indeed, a funny old game.